A book I borrowed from the library contains a chapter entitled "Belizean Boyz ’n the Hood: Garifuna Labor Migration and Transnational Identity".

I am totally redirecting my entire essay to contain a case study of Belize just so that I can reference the term 'Boyz 'n the Hood' in an academic manner. I will then conclude with something along the lines of "and then ya'll was like GLOBALISING CIVIL ACTIVISM IS TIGHT AAAAAAIIIIGHT". And then I will revel in my high distinction.

So Taste of Chaos is in town again, and all of the bands have been coming through work for the last couple of days. This morning a heap of them came in and as I was making a quad grande latte for the guitarist from Rise Against the dodgy steam wand turned back on as I was pulling the milk off, SPRAYING MILK ALL OVER ME.

They were all like :O, then I was all LOL and they were like HEH... ALSO LOL.

For the record, they all ordered really cool things (yes, we are always judging you on what you order).

:(

QUESTION FOR THE BENEFIT OF SCIENCE, FRIENDS LIST!

If you could savagely fuck ANYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD would it be...

a) Keith Buckley?
b) Keith Buckley?
c) Keith Buckley?
d) ... Not Keith Buckley? (HINT: This is the comedic answer that NO ONE ACTUALLY CHOOSES)

*wears a white coat and holds an official-looking clipboard*

In other news not related to how awesome Keith Buckley is (WHAT?!), work has provided me with so many dramas and subsequent LULZ that I haven't needed to watch soapies in ages. Long long long long story short, a couple of friends from work were dating and had been living together for like a year or something. They were pretty good together- she'd come out of dating some pretty bad guys, he had anger management issues and they seemed to somehow balance each other out. All was well in the land of corporate caffeinated beverage production.

Then came a work meeting where everyone got trashed, except for the boyfriend who stayed home to open the store the next day. Imagine his surprise when he woke up at 5 am to find a naked man on his sofa and his girlfriend hiding in the toilet. Imagine his surprise when he realised that said naked man was the boss' younger brother. Imagine his surprise when the now-ex and said naked brother (who is no longer as naked) go to Sydney two months later and come back engaged.

At this point I am torn between OH SHIT THIS IS FUCKED and OH SHIT THIS IS AWESOME VIEWING. Somehow everyone from our two stores has gotten involved and declared some kind of vigilante warfare, the boss is now pissed because all of this is infringing on her own recent engagement bragging rights, and the milk fridge is full of dents from various frequent violent outbursts.

Just when I thought my job was starting to suck again, it's all gotten so much more interesting. I think I'm going to film a shift and pitch it to Channel 7. AndthenusetheroyaltiestoBUYKEITHBUCKLEY.

Say that, hypothetically, I was sick of things here and was maybe possibly contemplating thinking about doing part of my postgrad uni stuff overseas. Would anyone know good universities to look at, particularly for development studies/international nerdiness?

And while Google may be my friend, it is not a good friend in this situation. It's the kind of friend who's like OH HAY U TOTALLY DUN LOOK FAT IN THAT when you really do, and then everyone LOLs behind your back. And by that I mean it's showing me about a bazillion results without telling me which are the actual reputable ones that will make me look much smarter than I am by having attended them.

(That was probably the most valid analogy EVER.)

Dear friends list,

Can I have some moneys please?

LOVE FROM ME.

Yeah, I checked the fundzzz and I'm so far behind on saving for my trip that it's not funny. I need like 10 grand to pay for EVERYTHING, including spending money and stuff, and so far I have not quite 7. This is a problem because now that practically everyone at work except for like four of us is a manager, they're stealing all the shifts and I'm getting like ten hours a week at minimum wage.

Short version: I AM POOR AND IT SUCKS COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ANUS.

So here is my list of Ways To Accumulate Moneys And Reasons Why These Ways Suck.

- INSTANT SCRATCHIES: I have terrible luck, or possibly karma. I also need scratchie-purchasing money to, you know, eat.
- WORKING AT THE SHOW: I hate the show. I hate the spoiled children that attend it. And I have three essays due during show week.
- STRIPPING: I am too fat for this, and Tyra Banks informs me (through her Top Model contestants) that this is bad for all of mankind or something. And Tyra is pretty much the most well-informed woman in the world.
- SELLING ORGANS: This probably wouldn't look good on my pre-departure medical examination.
- SELLING SHIT ON EBAY LIKE AIR GUITARS OR CELEBRITY TOAST: There is clearly NOTHING wrong with this idea.

Any better ideas? Directions to hidden pirate gold or something would be pretty good, too.

This morning I was at work and Eve opened this bag of espresso beans next to me and I go "MMM... SMELLS BEANY". Apparently I said it really loud because all of a sudden all the customers in the cafe were staring at me and then they started pointing and laughing.

AAAAAAND then like five minutes later I was making a soy cappuccino and some soy went on my foot and I was like "AAARGH SOY! SOY ON MY SHOE!" and the soy cappuccino customer was like :O and then she pointed and laughed too.

:|

And that was my epic THREE-HOUR shift this morning.

Also after seeing their new video on TV, I surveyed everyone in the world and came to the clear conclusion that Phil from Grinspoon has the worst hair in the charted universe. SRS SCIENCE.

FUCKING LIBRARY FUCKING FUCKING FUCKS.

D:

I think I may have uncovered a pick-up line worse than my friend's ex's "My dad invented the Iced Vovo". I didn't think it was possible, but the sheer class of the patrons in the places I go has managed to prove me wrong.

I was at the Cranka on Friday night when this guy came up to me and the following exchange occurred.

Weird guy: Do you know Where's Wally?
Me: Uh... yeah. Not personally, but... yeah.
Weird guy: Well, you know how he had an arch enemy and he wore like orange and stuff?
Me: Yeeeeah.
Weird guy: WHAT WAS HIS NAME? Me and my mates have been trying to figure it out but none of us can remember.
Me: AAAHH, FUCK. I don't know, this is going to shit me all night until I remember.
Weird guy: I know, right? Well, maybe we should swap numbers so we can tell each other if we remember.
Me: *stares blankly* I... I NEED TO USE THE FACILITIES NOW.

Anyway, we figured out last night that it was Odlaw. BUT HE'LL NEVER KNOW.

SO I GOTS SOME ( MOAR HOLEZ IN MAH FACE )